Dear My Future,
I don't know what you are. I don't know who you are. I sure do wonder though. All the time, I might add. What are you? Where are you? I feel like I know you so well, but I am so unsure of everything that you are. I hope to meet you soon. I know that we'll be the best of friends. I trust you more than I trust myself. Please take good care of me.
Love always,
Anthony.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Text Message Relationships.
Is it love if it's said over text message? Sure, the idea is thrown out there. But without the voice or emotions to back it up, is it truly as good as hearing it for yourself? That's the debate.
"I love you. <3" just isn't as good as "I am so in love with you" being said over the phone. I guess it's just a personal opinion, but I absolutely adore silence over the phone. Just knowing that the other person is on the other end of the line gives me a sense of comfort and security. If the person you love were to die this very moment, would you be satisfied with their last text message that probably reads, "What are you doing?"? Or would you wish you would have been able to hear their voice before they had died? A simple "I love you :)" doesn't mean anything unless the other person feels it. Sure, you can send them that hundreds of times a day, but without your voice telling them, how are they supposed to understand the message? It's the tone of your voice that really makes that "I love you" worthwhile.
You can feel love with all of your heart and try to convey it via text message, but the love doesn't send along with the text. Just keep that in mind, all of you text messagers.
By the way, I would never trade that conversation I just had with you for the world. 12:50 AM, August 27, 2010.
"I love you. <3" just isn't as good as "I am so in love with you" being said over the phone. I guess it's just a personal opinion, but I absolutely adore silence over the phone. Just knowing that the other person is on the other end of the line gives me a sense of comfort and security. If the person you love were to die this very moment, would you be satisfied with their last text message that probably reads, "What are you doing?"? Or would you wish you would have been able to hear their voice before they had died? A simple "I love you :)" doesn't mean anything unless the other person feels it. Sure, you can send them that hundreds of times a day, but without your voice telling them, how are they supposed to understand the message? It's the tone of your voice that really makes that "I love you" worthwhile.
You can feel love with all of your heart and try to convey it via text message, but the love doesn't send along with the text. Just keep that in mind, all of you text messagers.
By the way, I would never trade that conversation I just had with you for the world. 12:50 AM, August 27, 2010.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Speaking of Dreams...
"I was in a van with someone, and we were trying to get across a bridge that lifts in half. It started lifting while we were on the way up, and by the time we got to the top it was completely vertical so we just toppled over the edge and plunged straight into the water. The van didn't even splash or anything, it just sank really really fast, and all I could see were bubbles. I couldn't breathe and I opened my mouth and yelled your name because I wanted you to know that I loved you and I didn't want you to worry where I was because I had already accepted that I was going to die. Then I died and woke up and it was 4:45 AM."
This was a text that Tyler just sent me. Tehehehehe. YOU ARE JUST SO CUTE, aren't you?
This was a text that Tyler just sent me. Tehehehehe. YOU ARE JUST SO CUTE, aren't you?
Day Five - Your Dreams
Dearest Dreams,
I wish and I wish that you will come true, but how will they ever come true if I only wish? I will not wish for you anymore. I will work towards you. I will work towards achieving my dreams and goals in life. No matter what the workload is, I will accept it and move forward. Because that is what successful people do. They work in order to fulfill their dreams. I will work for you, Dream. Oh yes I will.
See you in the future,
Anthony.
I wish and I wish that you will come true, but how will they ever come true if I only wish? I will not wish for you anymore. I will work towards you. I will work towards achieving my dreams and goals in life. No matter what the workload is, I will accept it and move forward. Because that is what successful people do. They work in order to fulfill their dreams. I will work for you, Dream. Oh yes I will.
See you in the future,
Anthony.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Day Four - Your Sibling(s).
I'll write each of you a letter. You all deserve at least that.
Dear PaChia,
Being the oldest of five must be difficult. Hell, being the oldest son is difficult. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to be the first grandchild.
I know that we sometimes fight, but that's only because I think we're so much alike. While you have such a passion for taking care of kids, I have a passion of animals. I remember growing up and always thinking you were so bad ass because you could beat anybody up. Remember that time that you threw Quincey and Scottie across the room like they were dolls? Yeah...good times. Thank you for always being there for me, and always picking my ass up from wherever I am. And, happy birthday PaChia!
Love,
Anthony.
Dear PaZong,
Being my Gimli, we know a lot a lot a lot about each other. As much as we are alike, we are so different in many ways. You've taught me so much about how to be myself. You've always had such a positive outlook on life, and I am jealous of you. Truly jealous. You work harder than any of us, and you have everything that you deserve. Minus your chub! [= Let's work on being anorexic together. You've taught me how to love no matter how hopeless things seem. You've taught me how to stand up for myself. I get a lot of my mannerisms from you, I think. I'm hot headed when I need to be, and I'm straight forward and to the point. No pity for those who don't deserve it. Cut throat, is what you are. You have put up with me for so many years, and you still do it even when I don't deserve your help. Thank you so much. Gim, I can't wait to see where you end up in life.
Your Gimli.
Dear Angel,
Oh little sister, you are such a trouble maker. I've always seen you as a baby because you're my baby sister. I always will, I feel like. But growing up together as the "kids" of the family has taught me so much about who you are. Tough on the outside, but such a kind soul on the inside. You're as stubborn as I am when it all comes down to it. Sometimes I feel like I'm a terrible influence on you...but then I see what a nice young woman you are turning out to be, and I figure, "Ehh." Hahaha. I remember being such a dick to you when we were younger. I punched you once when we were much younger, not hard, but I regret it to this very day. I regret it so so much. You don't even understand, Angel. I really do. I apologize for being such a douche sometimes. It's only because I'm your older brother and I feel obligated to do so. I love you to death, and would do anything for you. You are my baby sister and I will fight right alongside with you until the end.
Stay a good girl,
Anthony.
Dear Andrew,
My baby brother. The babiest of us all. To you, I would like to give everything that I have. You and Angel, both. My baby siblings...I feel quite protective of you two. If there's a bitch who wants to shank you, you better believe that I'll be right there to kick her in the neck. I love you so very much. I may not show it, but I do. You are such a little shit, but I would love to spoil you and Angel to your heart's content. I would like to know everything about you. I'm sorry for not taking the time out of my life to get to know you any better. I feel like this is something that needs to be done. Don't follow in my footsteps, because they're not good footsteps to be following in. But I will try to show you the better things in life, as I discover them. Stay true to yourself, and don't become a little gangster.
Your older brother,
Anthony.
Dear PaChia,
Being the oldest of five must be difficult. Hell, being the oldest son is difficult. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to be the first grandchild.
I know that we sometimes fight, but that's only because I think we're so much alike. While you have such a passion for taking care of kids, I have a passion of animals. I remember growing up and always thinking you were so bad ass because you could beat anybody up. Remember that time that you threw Quincey and Scottie across the room like they were dolls? Yeah...good times. Thank you for always being there for me, and always picking my ass up from wherever I am. And, happy birthday PaChia!
Love,
Anthony.
Dear PaZong,
Being my Gimli, we know a lot a lot a lot about each other. As much as we are alike, we are so different in many ways. You've taught me so much about how to be myself. You've always had such a positive outlook on life, and I am jealous of you. Truly jealous. You work harder than any of us, and you have everything that you deserve. Minus your chub! [= Let's work on being anorexic together. You've taught me how to love no matter how hopeless things seem. You've taught me how to stand up for myself. I get a lot of my mannerisms from you, I think. I'm hot headed when I need to be, and I'm straight forward and to the point. No pity for those who don't deserve it. Cut throat, is what you are. You have put up with me for so many years, and you still do it even when I don't deserve your help. Thank you so much. Gim, I can't wait to see where you end up in life.
Your Gimli.
Dear Angel,
Oh little sister, you are such a trouble maker. I've always seen you as a baby because you're my baby sister. I always will, I feel like. But growing up together as the "kids" of the family has taught me so much about who you are. Tough on the outside, but such a kind soul on the inside. You're as stubborn as I am when it all comes down to it. Sometimes I feel like I'm a terrible influence on you...but then I see what a nice young woman you are turning out to be, and I figure, "Ehh." Hahaha. I remember being such a dick to you when we were younger. I punched you once when we were much younger, not hard, but I regret it to this very day. I regret it so so much. You don't even understand, Angel. I really do. I apologize for being such a douche sometimes. It's only because I'm your older brother and I feel obligated to do so. I love you to death, and would do anything for you. You are my baby sister and I will fight right alongside with you until the end.
Stay a good girl,
Anthony.
Dear Andrew,
My baby brother. The babiest of us all. To you, I would like to give everything that I have. You and Angel, both. My baby siblings...I feel quite protective of you two. If there's a bitch who wants to shank you, you better believe that I'll be right there to kick her in the neck. I love you so very much. I may not show it, but I do. You are such a little shit, but I would love to spoil you and Angel to your heart's content. I would like to know everything about you. I'm sorry for not taking the time out of my life to get to know you any better. I feel like this is something that needs to be done. Don't follow in my footsteps, because they're not good footsteps to be following in. But I will try to show you the better things in life, as I discover them. Stay true to yourself, and don't become a little gangster.
Your older brother,
Anthony.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Day Three - Your Parents.
So I'm cheating, I'm skipping day two because I can't write another blog about my boyfriend. Duh.
Dear Father,
How, oh how am I to please you when you expect nothing good to come from me?
Growing up with two older sisters who have done well academically, and two younger siblings who surpass my brains isn't the best feeling in the world. When it comes to Anthony, the outcast of the family, I'm overlooked. I understand that I took some wrong turns in life. Not graduating at the correct time greatly affected your views of me. Being as rebellious and as naive as I was during my earlier teenage years, turned your love against me. "How could I have raised such a disobedient child?" That's what you frequently ask me. It always seems as if even when I do make good decisions, they don't seem to be good enough for you.
I apologize that I can't be an honor student like your daughters. I apologize that I can't excel in my career as one of your daughters have. I apologize that I get paid shit when your other child makes more than $30,000 a year. I am so sorry that I can't be your son and let you baby me all of my life. I also apologize for being so strong as to face the world as a gay man every day of my life. I am so sorry that I bring you shame. Enough shame as for you to almost not acknowledge me in front of your friends and coworkers. You turn your head away from me when we're out in public. Do I disgust you that much? I apologize that I have the balls to face the kind of hate that you could never dream of experiencing, every day of my life. I am so sorry.
Do you even understand what life is like for me? No, you don't. You've never taken the time out of your busy schedule to get to know me since I was a child. Can you even tell me what my favorite color is? Or what my cat's name is? Could you tell me what my dream is? Or better yet, what is my boyfriend's name? The boyfriend that I have been dating for almost a year and half. The simple answer to that is "No, you can't." Do you understand that I get criticized and ridiculed every day of my life? Do you understand that life for me isn't as easy as you may think that it may be? Being called a "faggot" isn't pleasant. Do you understand that I am hated every day of my life, just for being who I am? You don't understand that.
So before you go off and ask me why I am such a terrible child, and why you have to be stuck with me for the rest of your life, maybe you should think of what a blessing you have. Maybe you have me for a reason. Maybe I'm supposed to teach you to love those who aren't like you.
I agree, I should change a few things about myself. I should take the time out of my life to count my blessings. But why am I always the subject of your hate and disapproval? What do I do that is so terrible that you feel such hate and anger towards me? I lead an honest lifestyle. I work for a living. I make my own money. But nothing that I do seems to please you. So please, just tell me how to please you without having to compromise who I am. I hope that it's not just a dream that we will one day see eye-to-eye.
Your son,
Anthony
Dear Father,
How, oh how am I to please you when you expect nothing good to come from me?
Growing up with two older sisters who have done well academically, and two younger siblings who surpass my brains isn't the best feeling in the world. When it comes to Anthony, the outcast of the family, I'm overlooked. I understand that I took some wrong turns in life. Not graduating at the correct time greatly affected your views of me. Being as rebellious and as naive as I was during my earlier teenage years, turned your love against me. "How could I have raised such a disobedient child?" That's what you frequently ask me. It always seems as if even when I do make good decisions, they don't seem to be good enough for you.
I apologize that I can't be an honor student like your daughters. I apologize that I can't excel in my career as one of your daughters have. I apologize that I get paid shit when your other child makes more than $30,000 a year. I am so sorry that I can't be your son and let you baby me all of my life. I also apologize for being so strong as to face the world as a gay man every day of my life. I am so sorry that I bring you shame. Enough shame as for you to almost not acknowledge me in front of your friends and coworkers. You turn your head away from me when we're out in public. Do I disgust you that much? I apologize that I have the balls to face the kind of hate that you could never dream of experiencing, every day of my life. I am so sorry.
Do you even understand what life is like for me? No, you don't. You've never taken the time out of your busy schedule to get to know me since I was a child. Can you even tell me what my favorite color is? Or what my cat's name is? Could you tell me what my dream is? Or better yet, what is my boyfriend's name? The boyfriend that I have been dating for almost a year and half. The simple answer to that is "No, you can't." Do you understand that I get criticized and ridiculed every day of my life? Do you understand that life for me isn't as easy as you may think that it may be? Being called a "faggot" isn't pleasant. Do you understand that I am hated every day of my life, just for being who I am? You don't understand that.
So before you go off and ask me why I am such a terrible child, and why you have to be stuck with me for the rest of your life, maybe you should think of what a blessing you have. Maybe you have me for a reason. Maybe I'm supposed to teach you to love those who aren't like you.
I agree, I should change a few things about myself. I should take the time out of my life to count my blessings. But why am I always the subject of your hate and disapproval? What do I do that is so terrible that you feel such hate and anger towards me? I lead an honest lifestyle. I work for a living. I make my own money. But nothing that I do seems to please you. So please, just tell me how to please you without having to compromise who I am. I hope that it's not just a dream that we will one day see eye-to-eye.
Your son,
Anthony
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Day One - Your Best Friend
Dear Tyler Nathaniel Becker,
You truly are my best friend. The best I have ever had. I know you're my boyfriend, but I don't care. I've told you this many times before, but putting it down in writing is always nice as well. You care for me more than anybody has ever thought of caring. I am truly blessed to have you in my life.
Luck. That's what I would consider this. Luck. The chance of the both of us liking each other. The chance that you secretly wanted an Asian boyfriend. The chance that I thought you were just the cutest boy I had ever seen. Meeting that first day when you came over to my house was so nice. I remember sitting on the couch watching Hercules with my little cousins. You were in your pea coat, with socks that were too big for you. I remember resisting the temptation to hold your hand right then and there. I know you barely knew me. I didn't care.
You know all of my secrets. I fart in front of you. You fart in front of me. With friendship comes love, but in our case, with love comes friendship. We fell in love too quickly to know what we were getting ourselves into. We barely knew each other, but we instantly connected at a deeper level than most people. I don't know what I would do without you. Don't leave. Ever.
With much love,
Anthony.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
