The Realization of Stupidity.

It's not that I've been feeling sad about it. It's that I can't believe I've put myself through that much shit, that upsets me. Right from the beginning, I knew it wouldn't work out. Right from the beginning, I saw the end in sight. Why did I go through with it? Hopeful optimism, may be to blame. As I said before, I don't feel sad about what happened. I'm glad things worked out the way they did, actually. I'm just reflecting on my naivety.

Lies after lies, I let it happen to me. Did I ever question it? Many, many, many times. Did I ever say anything? No.

You see, I fear being alone. Whether I admit to it or not, I am. I fear living a lonely life. It's not how I want things to happen.

This feeling of fear had overtaken my life. I had to break free. And so I did. Once it ended, I felt a weight lifted from my shoulders. A sort of calm state of mind settled into place. The air of countless hours of fighting had finally cleared. I was free. Free to make life happen the way I wanted it to. Free to go out with friends of my choosing. I'm so glad that I finally just said "no more" and walked away from it all. I'm so glad that I finally built up the courage to be alone.

I think the clearing of weeds in the garden is a good way to look at this situation. As beautiful and vibrant as dandelions are, they're pests in my garden and lawn. The clearing of them is necessary for the growth and production of other plants. Maybe not all at once, because that can't be healthy for your lawn. But at a steady rate, in order for others to flourish.

Maybe overcoming your fears isn't as hard as you may think. Take the necessary steps to overcome that hump. I know that I did, and I found something magnificent on the other side. It's all about taking that first step.