Dear Father,
How, oh how am I to please you when you expect nothing good to come from me?
Growing up with two older sisters who have done well academically, and two younger siblings who surpass my brains isn't the best feeling in the world. When it comes to Anthony, the outcast of the family, I'm overlooked. I understand that I took some wrong turns in life. Not graduating at the correct time greatly affected your views of me. Being as rebellious and as naive as I was during my earlier teenage years, turned your love against me. "How could I have raised such a disobedient child?" That's what you frequently ask me. It always seems as if even when I do make good decisions, they don't seem to be good enough for you.
I apologize that I can't be an honor student like your daughters. I apologize that I can't excel in my career as one of your daughters have. I apologize that I get paid shit when your other child makes more than $30,000 a year. I am so sorry that I can't be your son and let you baby me all of my life. I also apologize for being so strong as to face the world as a gay man every day of my life. I am so sorry that I bring you shame. Enough shame as for you to almost not acknowledge me in front of your friends and coworkers. You turn your head away from me when we're out in public. Do I disgust you that much? I apologize that I have the balls to face the kind of hate that you could never dream of experiencing, every day of my life. I am so sorry.
Do you even understand what life is like for me? No, you don't. You've never taken the time out of your busy schedule to get to know me since I was a child. Can you even tell me what my favorite color is? Or what my cat's name is? Could you tell me what my dream is? Or better yet, what is my boyfriend's name? The boyfriend that I have been dating for almost a year and half. The simple answer to that is "No, you can't." Do you understand that I get criticized and ridiculed every day of my life? Do you understand that life for me isn't as easy as you may think that it may be? Being called a "faggot" isn't pleasant. Do you understand that I am hated every day of my life, just for being who I am? You don't understand that.
So before you go off and ask me why I am such a terrible child, and why you have to be stuck with me for the rest of your life, maybe you should think of what a blessing you have. Maybe you have me for a reason. Maybe I'm supposed to teach you to love those who aren't like you.
I agree, I should change a few things about myself. I should take the time out of my life to count my blessings. But why am I always the subject of your hate and disapproval? What do I do that is so terrible that you feel such hate and anger towards me? I lead an honest lifestyle. I work for a living. I make my own money. But nothing that I do seems to please you. So please, just tell me how to please you without having to compromise who I am. I hope that it's not just a dream that we will one day see eye-to-eye.
Your son,
Anthony
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