Dear My Future,
I don't know what you are. I don't know who you are. I sure do wonder though. All the time, I might add. What are you? Where are you? I feel like I know you so well, but I am so unsure of everything that you are. I hope to meet you soon. I know that we'll be the best of friends. I trust you more than I trust myself. Please take good care of me.
Love always,
Anthony.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Text Message Relationships.
Is it love if it's said over text message? Sure, the idea is thrown out there. But without the voice or emotions to back it up, is it truly as good as hearing it for yourself? That's the debate.
"I love you. <3" just isn't as good as "I am so in love with you" being said over the phone. I guess it's just a personal opinion, but I absolutely adore silence over the phone. Just knowing that the other person is on the other end of the line gives me a sense of comfort and security. If the person you love were to die this very moment, would you be satisfied with their last text message that probably reads, "What are you doing?"? Or would you wish you would have been able to hear their voice before they had died? A simple "I love you :)" doesn't mean anything unless the other person feels it. Sure, you can send them that hundreds of times a day, but without your voice telling them, how are they supposed to understand the message? It's the tone of your voice that really makes that "I love you" worthwhile.
You can feel love with all of your heart and try to convey it via text message, but the love doesn't send along with the text. Just keep that in mind, all of you text messagers.
By the way, I would never trade that conversation I just had with you for the world. 12:50 AM, August 27, 2010.
"I love you. <3" just isn't as good as "I am so in love with you" being said over the phone. I guess it's just a personal opinion, but I absolutely adore silence over the phone. Just knowing that the other person is on the other end of the line gives me a sense of comfort and security. If the person you love were to die this very moment, would you be satisfied with their last text message that probably reads, "What are you doing?"? Or would you wish you would have been able to hear their voice before they had died? A simple "I love you :)" doesn't mean anything unless the other person feels it. Sure, you can send them that hundreds of times a day, but without your voice telling them, how are they supposed to understand the message? It's the tone of your voice that really makes that "I love you" worthwhile.
You can feel love with all of your heart and try to convey it via text message, but the love doesn't send along with the text. Just keep that in mind, all of you text messagers.
By the way, I would never trade that conversation I just had with you for the world. 12:50 AM, August 27, 2010.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Speaking of Dreams...
"I was in a van with someone, and we were trying to get across a bridge that lifts in half. It started lifting while we were on the way up, and by the time we got to the top it was completely vertical so we just toppled over the edge and plunged straight into the water. The van didn't even splash or anything, it just sank really really fast, and all I could see were bubbles. I couldn't breathe and I opened my mouth and yelled your name because I wanted you to know that I loved you and I didn't want you to worry where I was because I had already accepted that I was going to die. Then I died and woke up and it was 4:45 AM."
This was a text that Tyler just sent me. Tehehehehe. YOU ARE JUST SO CUTE, aren't you?
This was a text that Tyler just sent me. Tehehehehe. YOU ARE JUST SO CUTE, aren't you?
Day Five - Your Dreams
Dearest Dreams,
I wish and I wish that you will come true, but how will they ever come true if I only wish? I will not wish for you anymore. I will work towards you. I will work towards achieving my dreams and goals in life. No matter what the workload is, I will accept it and move forward. Because that is what successful people do. They work in order to fulfill their dreams. I will work for you, Dream. Oh yes I will.
See you in the future,
Anthony.
I wish and I wish that you will come true, but how will they ever come true if I only wish? I will not wish for you anymore. I will work towards you. I will work towards achieving my dreams and goals in life. No matter what the workload is, I will accept it and move forward. Because that is what successful people do. They work in order to fulfill their dreams. I will work for you, Dream. Oh yes I will.
See you in the future,
Anthony.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Day Four - Your Sibling(s).
I'll write each of you a letter. You all deserve at least that.
Dear PaChia,
Being the oldest of five must be difficult. Hell, being the oldest son is difficult. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to be the first grandchild.
I know that we sometimes fight, but that's only because I think we're so much alike. While you have such a passion for taking care of kids, I have a passion of animals. I remember growing up and always thinking you were so bad ass because you could beat anybody up. Remember that time that you threw Quincey and Scottie across the room like they were dolls? Yeah...good times. Thank you for always being there for me, and always picking my ass up from wherever I am. And, happy birthday PaChia!
Love,
Anthony.
Dear PaZong,
Being my Gimli, we know a lot a lot a lot about each other. As much as we are alike, we are so different in many ways. You've taught me so much about how to be myself. You've always had such a positive outlook on life, and I am jealous of you. Truly jealous. You work harder than any of us, and you have everything that you deserve. Minus your chub! [= Let's work on being anorexic together. You've taught me how to love no matter how hopeless things seem. You've taught me how to stand up for myself. I get a lot of my mannerisms from you, I think. I'm hot headed when I need to be, and I'm straight forward and to the point. No pity for those who don't deserve it. Cut throat, is what you are. You have put up with me for so many years, and you still do it even when I don't deserve your help. Thank you so much. Gim, I can't wait to see where you end up in life.
Your Gimli.
Dear Angel,
Oh little sister, you are such a trouble maker. I've always seen you as a baby because you're my baby sister. I always will, I feel like. But growing up together as the "kids" of the family has taught me so much about who you are. Tough on the outside, but such a kind soul on the inside. You're as stubborn as I am when it all comes down to it. Sometimes I feel like I'm a terrible influence on you...but then I see what a nice young woman you are turning out to be, and I figure, "Ehh." Hahaha. I remember being such a dick to you when we were younger. I punched you once when we were much younger, not hard, but I regret it to this very day. I regret it so so much. You don't even understand, Angel. I really do. I apologize for being such a douche sometimes. It's only because I'm your older brother and I feel obligated to do so. I love you to death, and would do anything for you. You are my baby sister and I will fight right alongside with you until the end.
Stay a good girl,
Anthony.
Dear Andrew,
My baby brother. The babiest of us all. To you, I would like to give everything that I have. You and Angel, both. My baby siblings...I feel quite protective of you two. If there's a bitch who wants to shank you, you better believe that I'll be right there to kick her in the neck. I love you so very much. I may not show it, but I do. You are such a little shit, but I would love to spoil you and Angel to your heart's content. I would like to know everything about you. I'm sorry for not taking the time out of my life to get to know you any better. I feel like this is something that needs to be done. Don't follow in my footsteps, because they're not good footsteps to be following in. But I will try to show you the better things in life, as I discover them. Stay true to yourself, and don't become a little gangster.
Your older brother,
Anthony.
Dear PaChia,
Being the oldest of five must be difficult. Hell, being the oldest son is difficult. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to be the first grandchild.
I know that we sometimes fight, but that's only because I think we're so much alike. While you have such a passion for taking care of kids, I have a passion of animals. I remember growing up and always thinking you were so bad ass because you could beat anybody up. Remember that time that you threw Quincey and Scottie across the room like they were dolls? Yeah...good times. Thank you for always being there for me, and always picking my ass up from wherever I am. And, happy birthday PaChia!
Love,
Anthony.
Dear PaZong,
Being my Gimli, we know a lot a lot a lot about each other. As much as we are alike, we are so different in many ways. You've taught me so much about how to be myself. You've always had such a positive outlook on life, and I am jealous of you. Truly jealous. You work harder than any of us, and you have everything that you deserve. Minus your chub! [= Let's work on being anorexic together. You've taught me how to love no matter how hopeless things seem. You've taught me how to stand up for myself. I get a lot of my mannerisms from you, I think. I'm hot headed when I need to be, and I'm straight forward and to the point. No pity for those who don't deserve it. Cut throat, is what you are. You have put up with me for so many years, and you still do it even when I don't deserve your help. Thank you so much. Gim, I can't wait to see where you end up in life.
Your Gimli.
Dear Angel,
Oh little sister, you are such a trouble maker. I've always seen you as a baby because you're my baby sister. I always will, I feel like. But growing up together as the "kids" of the family has taught me so much about who you are. Tough on the outside, but such a kind soul on the inside. You're as stubborn as I am when it all comes down to it. Sometimes I feel like I'm a terrible influence on you...but then I see what a nice young woman you are turning out to be, and I figure, "Ehh." Hahaha. I remember being such a dick to you when we were younger. I punched you once when we were much younger, not hard, but I regret it to this very day. I regret it so so much. You don't even understand, Angel. I really do. I apologize for being such a douche sometimes. It's only because I'm your older brother and I feel obligated to do so. I love you to death, and would do anything for you. You are my baby sister and I will fight right alongside with you until the end.
Stay a good girl,
Anthony.
Dear Andrew,
My baby brother. The babiest of us all. To you, I would like to give everything that I have. You and Angel, both. My baby siblings...I feel quite protective of you two. If there's a bitch who wants to shank you, you better believe that I'll be right there to kick her in the neck. I love you so very much. I may not show it, but I do. You are such a little shit, but I would love to spoil you and Angel to your heart's content. I would like to know everything about you. I'm sorry for not taking the time out of my life to get to know you any better. I feel like this is something that needs to be done. Don't follow in my footsteps, because they're not good footsteps to be following in. But I will try to show you the better things in life, as I discover them. Stay true to yourself, and don't become a little gangster.
Your older brother,
Anthony.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Day Three - Your Parents.
So I'm cheating, I'm skipping day two because I can't write another blog about my boyfriend. Duh.
Dear Father,
How, oh how am I to please you when you expect nothing good to come from me?
Growing up with two older sisters who have done well academically, and two younger siblings who surpass my brains isn't the best feeling in the world. When it comes to Anthony, the outcast of the family, I'm overlooked. I understand that I took some wrong turns in life. Not graduating at the correct time greatly affected your views of me. Being as rebellious and as naive as I was during my earlier teenage years, turned your love against me. "How could I have raised such a disobedient child?" That's what you frequently ask me. It always seems as if even when I do make good decisions, they don't seem to be good enough for you.
I apologize that I can't be an honor student like your daughters. I apologize that I can't excel in my career as one of your daughters have. I apologize that I get paid shit when your other child makes more than $30,000 a year. I am so sorry that I can't be your son and let you baby me all of my life. I also apologize for being so strong as to face the world as a gay man every day of my life. I am so sorry that I bring you shame. Enough shame as for you to almost not acknowledge me in front of your friends and coworkers. You turn your head away from me when we're out in public. Do I disgust you that much? I apologize that I have the balls to face the kind of hate that you could never dream of experiencing, every day of my life. I am so sorry.
Do you even understand what life is like for me? No, you don't. You've never taken the time out of your busy schedule to get to know me since I was a child. Can you even tell me what my favorite color is? Or what my cat's name is? Could you tell me what my dream is? Or better yet, what is my boyfriend's name? The boyfriend that I have been dating for almost a year and half. The simple answer to that is "No, you can't." Do you understand that I get criticized and ridiculed every day of my life? Do you understand that life for me isn't as easy as you may think that it may be? Being called a "faggot" isn't pleasant. Do you understand that I am hated every day of my life, just for being who I am? You don't understand that.
So before you go off and ask me why I am such a terrible child, and why you have to be stuck with me for the rest of your life, maybe you should think of what a blessing you have. Maybe you have me for a reason. Maybe I'm supposed to teach you to love those who aren't like you.
I agree, I should change a few things about myself. I should take the time out of my life to count my blessings. But why am I always the subject of your hate and disapproval? What do I do that is so terrible that you feel such hate and anger towards me? I lead an honest lifestyle. I work for a living. I make my own money. But nothing that I do seems to please you. So please, just tell me how to please you without having to compromise who I am. I hope that it's not just a dream that we will one day see eye-to-eye.
Your son,
Anthony
Dear Father,
How, oh how am I to please you when you expect nothing good to come from me?
Growing up with two older sisters who have done well academically, and two younger siblings who surpass my brains isn't the best feeling in the world. When it comes to Anthony, the outcast of the family, I'm overlooked. I understand that I took some wrong turns in life. Not graduating at the correct time greatly affected your views of me. Being as rebellious and as naive as I was during my earlier teenage years, turned your love against me. "How could I have raised such a disobedient child?" That's what you frequently ask me. It always seems as if even when I do make good decisions, they don't seem to be good enough for you.
I apologize that I can't be an honor student like your daughters. I apologize that I can't excel in my career as one of your daughters have. I apologize that I get paid shit when your other child makes more than $30,000 a year. I am so sorry that I can't be your son and let you baby me all of my life. I also apologize for being so strong as to face the world as a gay man every day of my life. I am so sorry that I bring you shame. Enough shame as for you to almost not acknowledge me in front of your friends and coworkers. You turn your head away from me when we're out in public. Do I disgust you that much? I apologize that I have the balls to face the kind of hate that you could never dream of experiencing, every day of my life. I am so sorry.
Do you even understand what life is like for me? No, you don't. You've never taken the time out of your busy schedule to get to know me since I was a child. Can you even tell me what my favorite color is? Or what my cat's name is? Could you tell me what my dream is? Or better yet, what is my boyfriend's name? The boyfriend that I have been dating for almost a year and half. The simple answer to that is "No, you can't." Do you understand that I get criticized and ridiculed every day of my life? Do you understand that life for me isn't as easy as you may think that it may be? Being called a "faggot" isn't pleasant. Do you understand that I am hated every day of my life, just for being who I am? You don't understand that.
So before you go off and ask me why I am such a terrible child, and why you have to be stuck with me for the rest of your life, maybe you should think of what a blessing you have. Maybe you have me for a reason. Maybe I'm supposed to teach you to love those who aren't like you.
I agree, I should change a few things about myself. I should take the time out of my life to count my blessings. But why am I always the subject of your hate and disapproval? What do I do that is so terrible that you feel such hate and anger towards me? I lead an honest lifestyle. I work for a living. I make my own money. But nothing that I do seems to please you. So please, just tell me how to please you without having to compromise who I am. I hope that it's not just a dream that we will one day see eye-to-eye.
Your son,
Anthony
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Day One - Your Best Friend
Dear Tyler Nathaniel Becker,
You truly are my best friend. The best I have ever had. I know you're my boyfriend, but I don't care. I've told you this many times before, but putting it down in writing is always nice as well. You care for me more than anybody has ever thought of caring. I am truly blessed to have you in my life.
Luck. That's what I would consider this. Luck. The chance of the both of us liking each other. The chance that you secretly wanted an Asian boyfriend. The chance that I thought you were just the cutest boy I had ever seen. Meeting that first day when you came over to my house was so nice. I remember sitting on the couch watching Hercules with my little cousins. You were in your pea coat, with socks that were too big for you. I remember resisting the temptation to hold your hand right then and there. I know you barely knew me. I didn't care.
You know all of my secrets. I fart in front of you. You fart in front of me. With friendship comes love, but in our case, with love comes friendship. We fell in love too quickly to know what we were getting ourselves into. We barely knew each other, but we instantly connected at a deeper level than most people. I don't know what I would do without you. Don't leave. Ever.
With much love,
Anthony.
I Realize That It's Been Ages...I Can Explain...
I really can't explain...I've just been lazy, really.
Well, here goes!
This 30 Day blogging dealio seems to be the new hype, and I thought that I would try it. Let's see how this goes down.
The challenge is to write a letter to each person, each day.
Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror
Well, here goes!
This 30 Day blogging dealio seems to be the new hype, and I thought that I would try it. Let's see how this goes down.
The challenge is to write a letter to each person, each day.
Day 1 — Your Best Friend
Day 2 — Your Crush
Day 3 — Your parents
Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5 — Your dreams
Day 6 — A stranger
Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Day 15 — The person you miss the most
Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23 — The last person you kissed
Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror
Thursday, May 27, 2010
What I've Been Listening To.
Christina Aguilera | Bionic
It's not amazing, but it's not terrible. Although a select few songs are TERRIBLE. I feel like she's trying too hard to be sexy with this album. She's best when she sings ballads, and that's what she should stick to. Like Beautiful or The Voice Within. Those were amazing songs. Not her singing about how her pussy is so wet and how guys like to lick it. Yuck, Xtina, that's gross. This album was like half ballad songs and half pop songs. She shouldn't do that anymore. I think she should either do a ballad album with one or two pop songs, or a pop album with one or two ballads. Not half and half, making the album 18 tracks long. No thanks, Christina. I love you, but that's too many songs to sit through, especially when most of them aren't very good.
Selena Gomez | Kiss & Tell
It's been out for a long time now, but I just really enjoy this album. It's fun and upbeat. She's not singing about how she's fucking bitches up, or how she's getting fucked up...obviously. But I really really like it. I Got U is probably my favorite song on this album. It has a funky beat, which I like. I always love my Disney girls. They're one of my favorites.
Uffie | Sex Dreams & Denim Jeans
First discovering Pop the Glock on YouTube, I have been waiting for her album to come out. This is a fantastic album. It's a lot of fun. Definitely better than the song leaks that I have been hearing. I would give the album a 7/10. That's just my opinion. But I love this album. It's great. She adds a funky/electro beat to her music, and it makes me want to sway my hips. Sexy.
Lindsay Lohan | Stuck - Single
I will always and forever be a Lindsay Lohan fan. Even if she's cracked-out and dying because she ate glass, I would still adore her. The crack whore look really works for her. Obviously, she looked best during Mean Girls era, and right after, but I think this look isn't terrible on her. She's cuter than Ali Lohan, definitely. Ali looks like a grandma, and not the cute ones either. But Stuck by Lindsay is definitely one of my favorite songs at the moment. It leaked a while ago, but I love it...even if it barely sounds like it's her singing it. [=
B.o.B. featuring Hayley Williams | Airplanes - Single
Definitely my jam at the moment. I love this song. Mainly because I absolutely adore Hayley Williams. She's an amazing artist, and I love Paramore. Their latest album, Brand New Eyes, is definitely well done. They have consistency in their music, and always release great albums. But back to the main point, Airplanes is a great song. Even if everyone updates the lyrics as their statuses, I'll always love this song. Hayley has a great and unique voice, and really adds to the song. If it weren't for her, I probably wouldn't like this song as much. Sorry, B.o.B., but Hayley definitely makes this song, for me.
It's not amazing, but it's not terrible. Although a select few songs are TERRIBLE. I feel like she's trying too hard to be sexy with this album. She's best when she sings ballads, and that's what she should stick to. Like Beautiful or The Voice Within. Those were amazing songs. Not her singing about how her pussy is so wet and how guys like to lick it. Yuck, Xtina, that's gross. This album was like half ballad songs and half pop songs. She shouldn't do that anymore. I think she should either do a ballad album with one or two pop songs, or a pop album with one or two ballads. Not half and half, making the album 18 tracks long. No thanks, Christina. I love you, but that's too many songs to sit through, especially when most of them aren't very good.
Selena Gomez | Kiss & Tell
It's been out for a long time now, but I just really enjoy this album. It's fun and upbeat. She's not singing about how she's fucking bitches up, or how she's getting fucked up...obviously. But I really really like it. I Got U is probably my favorite song on this album. It has a funky beat, which I like. I always love my Disney girls. They're one of my favorites.
Uffie | Sex Dreams & Denim Jeans
First discovering Pop the Glock on YouTube, I have been waiting for her album to come out. This is a fantastic album. It's a lot of fun. Definitely better than the song leaks that I have been hearing. I would give the album a 7/10. That's just my opinion. But I love this album. It's great. She adds a funky/electro beat to her music, and it makes me want to sway my hips. Sexy.
Lindsay Lohan | Stuck - Single
I will always and forever be a Lindsay Lohan fan. Even if she's cracked-out and dying because she ate glass, I would still adore her. The crack whore look really works for her. Obviously, she looked best during Mean Girls era, and right after, but I think this look isn't terrible on her. She's cuter than Ali Lohan, definitely. Ali looks like a grandma, and not the cute ones either. But Stuck by Lindsay is definitely one of my favorite songs at the moment. It leaked a while ago, but I love it...even if it barely sounds like it's her singing it. [=
B.o.B. featuring Hayley Williams | Airplanes - Single
Definitely my jam at the moment. I love this song. Mainly because I absolutely adore Hayley Williams. She's an amazing artist, and I love Paramore. Their latest album, Brand New Eyes, is definitely well done. They have consistency in their music, and always release great albums. But back to the main point, Airplanes is a great song. Even if everyone updates the lyrics as their statuses, I'll always love this song. Hayley has a great and unique voice, and really adds to the song. If it weren't for her, I probably wouldn't like this song as much. Sorry, B.o.B., but Hayley definitely makes this song, for me.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Nine Types of Personalities.
Which do you fit into? I'm mainly Type 7, followed by Type 2, then Type 3.
Type 7 - The Adventurer.
Type 2 - The Helper.
Type 3 - The Achiever.
Click Here to find out your personality type!
I'm too lazy to actually write a blog about this. Sorry! Enjoy!
Type 7 - The Adventurer.
Type 2 - The Helper.
Type 3 - The Achiever.
Click Here to find out your personality type!
I'm too lazy to actually write a blog about this. Sorry! Enjoy!
Friday, May 21, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Over It.
That's how I feel about this.
I'm over it.
It's almost a relief to feel this way.
As sad as it is, I think it's better off this way.
Poisonous is what it could have been described as.
Have a wondrous life.
Do some growing up while you're at it.
I don't care for your lies anymore.
The fake smiles, the fake hugs.
Your fake attitude.
I hope that when you do find yourself, that it's not too late.
You better appreciate who you have.
And you should show them how much you appreciate them.
Or else they'll do the same and leave you.
No wonder why so many people come in and out of your life.
It's not them. It's you.
You're the reason why they leave.
Not everyone who comes into your life is an asshole.
You're an adult now.
Grow up.
You can't expect to not do anything and be rewarded for it.
I hope you catch yourself before you hurt yourself.
I don't hate you.
But I don't like you, either.
We're better off this way.
I'm over it.
It's almost a relief to feel this way.
As sad as it is, I think it's better off this way.
Poisonous is what it could have been described as.
Have a wondrous life.
Do some growing up while you're at it.
I don't care for your lies anymore.
The fake smiles, the fake hugs.
Your fake attitude.
I hope that when you do find yourself, that it's not too late.
You better appreciate who you have.
And you should show them how much you appreciate them.
Or else they'll do the same and leave you.
No wonder why so many people come in and out of your life.
It's not them. It's you.
You're the reason why they leave.
Not everyone who comes into your life is an asshole.
You're an adult now.
Grow up.
You can't expect to not do anything and be rewarded for it.
I hope you catch yourself before you hurt yourself.
I don't hate you.
But I don't like you, either.
We're better off this way.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Friends Forever.
Out of all of the friends I've ever had and lost, I'm going to miss you the most. I love you so much, Kitty. I hope that you're doing well. Don't ever forget me.
You never judged me. You always loved me. You came back to me no matter what. You came into my life by sheer luck, and you were unfortunately taken from me too early. I apologize for anything that I've done to you. I should have taken you to get checked before it was too late. I hope you forgive me. I know you will because you always have. But I can't help but to feel as if it's my fault.
I miss the way you purred. I miss the various ways you fell asleep. I miss your meows. I miss the way you slept on my bed with me every night.
I know you won't be reading this from where you are, but hopefully releasing it into the universe will put my soul at ease. You were the best friend I could ever ask for and I'll miss you for the rest of my life. I cry for you more and more every week. I can't ever express how much you mean to me. It breaks my heart to think about how unfairly your life was taken from you. The moment I realized you were really gone, I couldn't help but to cry and hold you as closely as I could. Nobody could ever replace you, my friend. Please take care of yourself. I'll see you when the time arrives.
This was the last picture ever taken of you, and I miss you every time I look at it.
You're my very best friend. And I will miss you so much for the rest of my life.
Kitty | October 2005 - February 13, 2010
You never judged me. You always loved me. You came back to me no matter what. You came into my life by sheer luck, and you were unfortunately taken from me too early. I apologize for anything that I've done to you. I should have taken you to get checked before it was too late. I hope you forgive me. I know you will because you always have. But I can't help but to feel as if it's my fault.
I miss the way you purred. I miss the various ways you fell asleep. I miss your meows. I miss the way you slept on my bed with me every night.
I know you won't be reading this from where you are, but hopefully releasing it into the universe will put my soul at ease. You were the best friend I could ever ask for and I'll miss you for the rest of my life. I cry for you more and more every week. I can't ever express how much you mean to me. It breaks my heart to think about how unfairly your life was taken from you. The moment I realized you were really gone, I couldn't help but to cry and hold you as closely as I could. Nobody could ever replace you, my friend. Please take care of yourself. I'll see you when the time arrives.
This was the last picture ever taken of you, and I miss you every time I look at it.
You're my very best friend. And I will miss you so much for the rest of my life.
Kitty | October 2005 - February 13, 2010
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
The Realization of Stupidity.
It's not that I've been feeling sad about it. It's that I can't believe I've put myself through that much shit, that upsets me. Right from the beginning, I knew it wouldn't work out. Right from the beginning, I saw the end in sight. Why did I go through with it? Hopeful optimism, may be to blame. As I said before, I don't feel sad about what happened. I'm glad things worked out the way they did, actually. I'm just reflecting on my naivety.
Lies after lies, I let it happen to me. Did I ever question it? Many, many, many times. Did I ever say anything? No.
You see, I fear being alone. Whether I admit to it or not, I am. I fear living a lonely life. It's not how I want things to happen.
This feeling of fear had overtaken my life. I had to break free. And so I did. Once it ended, I felt a weight lifted from my shoulders. A sort of calm state of mind settled into place. The air of countless hours of fighting had finally cleared. I was free. Free to make life happen the way I wanted it to. Free to go out with friends of my choosing. I'm so glad that I finally just said "no more" and walked away from it all. I'm so glad that I finally built up the courage to be alone.
I think the clearing of weeds in the garden is a good way to look at this situation. As beautiful and vibrant as dandelions are, they're pests in my garden and lawn. The clearing of them is necessary for the growth and production of other plants. Maybe not all at once, because that can't be healthy for your lawn. But at a steady rate, in order for others to flourish.
Maybe overcoming your fears isn't as hard as you may think. Take the necessary steps to overcome that hump. I know that I did, and I found something magnificent on the other side. It's all about taking that first step.
Lies after lies, I let it happen to me. Did I ever question it? Many, many, many times. Did I ever say anything? No.
You see, I fear being alone. Whether I admit to it or not, I am. I fear living a lonely life. It's not how I want things to happen.
This feeling of fear had overtaken my life. I had to break free. And so I did. Once it ended, I felt a weight lifted from my shoulders. A sort of calm state of mind settled into place. The air of countless hours of fighting had finally cleared. I was free. Free to make life happen the way I wanted it to. Free to go out with friends of my choosing. I'm so glad that I finally just said "no more" and walked away from it all. I'm so glad that I finally built up the courage to be alone.
I think the clearing of weeds in the garden is a good way to look at this situation. As beautiful and vibrant as dandelions are, they're pests in my garden and lawn. The clearing of them is necessary for the growth and production of other plants. Maybe not all at once, because that can't be healthy for your lawn. But at a steady rate, in order for others to flourish.
Maybe overcoming your fears isn't as hard as you may think. Take the necessary steps to overcome that hump. I know that I did, and I found something magnificent on the other side. It's all about taking that first step.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Homosexuality - Is it right?
There are so many rights that are refused to the LGBT community that everyone else has, and why are these rights refused for this group of people? Why is it such a taboo to be gay? I feel that if you're going to refuse these basic rights to a whole group of people, then you'd better have a damn good reason for it. It's not like we're even asking for much! We're just asking to be recognized as an equal, just like women and African Americans once asked. We just want equal rights! Is that too much to ask for? Country of the free, my ass.
There are many arguments against homosexuality. Whether they makes sense or not, people always make the argument that the bible says that love and marriage should be between a man and a woman.
"Leviticus 20:13 If there is a man who lies with a male as those who lie with a woman, both of them have committed a detestable act; they shall surely be put to death. Their bloodguiltiness is upon them."
If this were so, then why are other aspects of the bible overlooked, while the claims against homosexuality aren't?
The bible suggests that people who divorce and remarry are committing adultery, and the old testament prescribes death for adultery. So why is divorce and remarrying not a taboo while homosexuality is? The bible also suggests that slavery is morally acceptable. How is that moral?
When these points are argued, you are told that you are pulling those passages out of context. You're told that it isn't okay to pull the passages out of context for these points that you are bringing up, but why is it okay to pull the passages of homosexuality out of context?
While I have every bit of respect for people who are religious, I don't have any respect for those who push their beliefs onto me. Those who tell me that the way I live my life is morally wrong will be punched in the face, or at least hear an ear full of not-so-pretty words.
When speaking of the LGBT community, the only aspect that they focus on is the sexual aspect. When speaking about heterosexual relationships, they talk about the relationship and love parts. When they speak about homosexual relationships, they talk about the sex part. They say that the way I live my life is a "lifestyle" while heterosexual people live "lives." Umm, fuck you. Love and sex between two people of the same gender does not differ from love and sex between two people of the opposite genders. Are gays only capable of having sex? If so, then I must say, seek out a gay! We'll give you some sex. We must be very adept at it.
HIV/AIDS also revolves specifically around the gay community. Homosexuality causes AIDS, is the argument. No, it doesn't. Unprotected sex and even nonsexual activities cause the spread of the AIDS virus, NOT homosexuality. Please open up your mind, and see that sex between a man and a woman can spread the disease just as easily.
Ask yourself, are these arguments against homosexuality worth condemning a whole group of people for being who they are?
There are many arguments against homosexuality. Whether they makes sense or not, people always make the argument that the bible says that love and marriage should be between a man and a woman.
"Leviticus 20:13 If there is a man who lies with a male as those who lie with a woman, both of them have committed a detestable act; they shall surely be put to death. Their bloodguiltiness is upon them."
If this were so, then why are other aspects of the bible overlooked, while the claims against homosexuality aren't?
The bible suggests that people who divorce and remarry are committing adultery, and the old testament prescribes death for adultery. So why is divorce and remarrying not a taboo while homosexuality is? The bible also suggests that slavery is morally acceptable. How is that moral?
When these points are argued, you are told that you are pulling those passages out of context. You're told that it isn't okay to pull the passages out of context for these points that you are bringing up, but why is it okay to pull the passages of homosexuality out of context?
While I have every bit of respect for people who are religious, I don't have any respect for those who push their beliefs onto me. Those who tell me that the way I live my life is morally wrong will be punched in the face, or at least hear an ear full of not-so-pretty words.
When speaking of the LGBT community, the only aspect that they focus on is the sexual aspect. When speaking about heterosexual relationships, they talk about the relationship and love parts. When they speak about homosexual relationships, they talk about the sex part. They say that the way I live my life is a "lifestyle" while heterosexual people live "lives." Umm, fuck you. Love and sex between two people of the same gender does not differ from love and sex between two people of the opposite genders. Are gays only capable of having sex? If so, then I must say, seek out a gay! We'll give you some sex. We must be very adept at it.
HIV/AIDS also revolves specifically around the gay community. Homosexuality causes AIDS, is the argument. No, it doesn't. Unprotected sex and even nonsexual activities cause the spread of the AIDS virus, NOT homosexuality. Please open up your mind, and see that sex between a man and a woman can spread the disease just as easily.
Ask yourself, are these arguments against homosexuality worth condemning a whole group of people for being who they are?
Friday, April 9, 2010
Photo Shoot Ideas.
Maybe? I've been rolling these ideas around in my head, and would love to recreate some of these photos. They're all unique in their own ways. We'll see what happens. The one I want to do most, is the one with the buttcrack showing. xD Don't judge me. I just think it's cute.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Summer's Kisses to the Soul
Oh summer, you are almost here. How I await you with baited breath. This summer's list of activities revolve around driving to many many many places.
Here's a list of a few of the places we've picked out so far.
- Duluth
- Taylor's Falls
- Wisconsin Dells
- Willow River State Park
I may also travel to California for a few days. Either there, or New York. I plan on buying lots and lots of clothes.
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